Baking Powder, PRC Version

Who needs a hammer when a hatchet will do?

Lull

I’m having one of those drops of attitude lately, where everything rubs me the wrong way.

I understand that this is a common phenomenon of culture stress, this sine curve that looks like ocean waves, up and down, up and down.

Some troughs are really low, some highs are really high, and other times it’s not so extreme but just palpable.

Like now.

The latest trigger was the removal of all child playground equipment from the park we frequent.

“They” replaced all the slides and swingsets with an enclosed mini-soccer court and about 100 pingpong tables.
Well, maybe 20.

And more of the same endless adult outdoor gym type metal contraptions, where you can rub your back on bumpy things, twirl your arms in circles, and do elliptical bouncy motions with your legs.

These things they have about every 100 feet in public spaces.

Yes, I know, play here is overrated.

Kids should spend 100% of their waking hours in class, on their way to tutors, or doing homework.

I am still working on evolving into a Tiger Mother.

Never mind that half of the time the former swings were occupied by young adults who probably are belatedly recapturing their missed childhood and free play.

I see college students playing quite a bit of duck duck goose type games on the lawn too.

All the same, I’m peeved.

The final straw was discovering this week that EVEN MCDONALD’s has removed their playland in the 2 locations near us and replaced it with more seating.

Thank goodness they still serve ice cream.

For The Acne-Affected

And you wonder why they went out of business, so near the university campus and all.

Adoption Triad…or Tetrad?

I have been pondering the popular notion of the “Adoption Triad.”

That would refer to the adopted child, the adoptive parent(s), and the birth mother.

This is not an adoption blog, but in my many interactions every week with orphans, foster parents, and orphanage caregivers I am thinking a very significant group is left out of this discussion.

Namely, the persons and  groups caring for the child for that very significant period of time between the birth parent and the adoptive parent.

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I have seen orphanage caregivers cry as the child goes to their waiting forever family.

I have seen foster parents grieve for months or even years after their child has gone to a loving home.

I know of nurses who housed an abandoned infant in the wing of a hospital and split the cost of feeding the child for many months.

I see the orphanage caregiver pouring days, months and years into a child, and often some form of attachment has taken place in some settings.

And I am slowly recognizing that orphanage directors often are stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to making decisions on behalf of the children under their wings.

I have also seen plenty of children on the other end, even after arriving to their wonderful new family, grieve what was familiar and yet gone forever.

It is essential that we recognize the many faces involved in orphan care and adoption, and the way each of those helps shape that child into who he or she is today.

It is often easy for us (i.e. me) to prefer to judge those working in suboptimal settings and be angry with the way things are.

I just want to remind the forever family moms and dads (and myself) that every moment somebody cared for your child, fed them, and sheltered them from the elements, they were giving you a gift.

The gift of expanding your child’s capacity to love and receive love, to respond to stimuli in their environment, and the gift of survival.

Even though that period may or may not be suboptimal, the fact is, your child survived to this point.

And that is in part because of the fourth member of the Adoption Triad.

Graduation

Last Friday 3 graduates celebrated the end of their training period as family medicine residents!

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We gathered to celebrate with a meal and program attended by our community of residents, faculty and staff, as well as a few dignitaries from hospitals in the city.

Graduations are not as elaborate here in China, from what I understand.

Usually family members never attend the program, and often most of the graduates don’t go either.

My friends tell me the ceremony often seems focused on honoring the leaders of the particular institution, not so much on the achievements of the graduates themselves.

Speeches are for the benefit of the suits in the room.

It’s a little ironic, really, that for a Chinese student their entire existence is focused on getting into the right university to honor the family and move them upward in this world, yet graduation time is so anticlimactic.

Chopstix Dad and others spoke as the professional mentors for the residents, and all the grads also shared a few words about their experience and future plans.

LHX will continue on as Junior faculty with our group, while WH will continue to work in the clinic she has been staffing for several months.  WY will work part time with us for a few months until his planned job opens up.

I reflected on the tremendous changes I have witnessed in the two that I have interacted with the most, in terms of clinical acumen, bedside manner, English knowledge and personal growth.

It is humbling to know that what we are doing, in small segments once a week or or at other times, is part of a cumulative whole as we serve together as a team ostensibly to train and teach.

Yet in fact I feel like I have learned so incredibly much from these young doctors, as they share their insights and learning with me and we have moments of illumination together.
We call it “practicing” medicine because there is always more to learn.

And never more than in a cross cultural setting.

Urban Beauty

In between dusty alleys, mounds of old furniture and decrepit bikes, glimpses of color vividly contrast with the somewhat dreary winter-colored surroundings.

This taken on my morning run, around 6 am.

It’s broad daylight at least by 5 am (maybe earlier, but I haven’t been awake to verify).

Art Teacher I am Not

As I’ve mentioned, we send the kids to Chinese school in the morning, and try to balance the high-intensity math and Chinese character study with some more American-style, lightweight themes in the afternoons.

Monday is science day, where Papa leads the children into the world of biology, zoology and physics.

The other afternoons I juggle some history, language arts, literature, Chinese homework and tutoring.

I am not quite the Tiger Mother, and part of my teaching philosophy is to allow free play and creative outlets.

Of course, I didn’t realize until the past year or so that any good homeschooling mom worth her salt has figured out her teaching philosophy long before the kids are out of diapers.

I vowed I would never ever never homeschool my kids.

Ever.

So here we are.

I also vowed, once upon a time, that I’d never date anybody in medicine.

So here we are.

MD-DO marriage, 13.5 years and loving it even while still learning to live together.

But I digress.

Homeschooling in any form was not on my agenda.

So my educational philosophy is still kind of like the Monopoly game after my 2 year old is done with it.

We have designated Friday afternoons as craft time.

Sometimes we have a really cool kit filled with paint, and brushes, and stuff all there for the kids to glue together and display on the window sill till the 2 year old knocks it down and it gets broken.

Sometimes, well.

I found a bunch of origami paper in some random stacks at my market the other day, and when we got home discovered it even had different colors on the back.

Here is where the opportunity to launch my kids creativity comes into play.

Just balancing out, you know, the Chinese tendency for all work and no play, and balancing free expression with the “art” that the whole class copied from the teacher’s demo on the blackboard.

Since I am not so good at some of these KG and grade school things, I figure, throw a bunch of stuff at them and see what they do with it.

So for about 3 hours my 3 plus 3 more slaved away with random household items plus the new paper.

While I caught up on my blogging.

Here are the results.

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I also think year-round-school like California will be a part of my teaching philosophy.

Since it is Mid-April and we are on week 19 of 36…

Best English

Sign in stairway of subway station. 

 

A Little Support

As I said, we’ve been busy.

This past week we launched our first bilingual foster family support group meeting.

Eight current or former foster moms attended, including our director.

A short term visiting team provided childcare in the living room so the grownups could talk in the dining area.

Our primary goal was to be a safe place where people can connect with others who really understand their unique challenges.

The unknown future.

The possibility of saying good bye as the child leaves with a forever family in another land.

The hard questions many strangers ask.

It was quite fun linguistically, with translation flying in all directions depending on who got it first, and a lot of laughs.

Some tears were shed.

One former foster mom shared about the challenges of saying good bye to her foster son when he was adopted after two years of fostering, and how she grieved for over two years after that.

One told about the hard times when her then 10 year old newly arrived child screamed every night and would not calm unless she was laying by her side.

A couple moms mentioned living on the 4th or 6th floor (no elevators in buildings less than 7 floors here!) and the difficulty in carrying kids, stroller, groceries up and down.

These women are both past 50.

I feel like such a wimp when I grumble about a minor inconvenience like being caught in the rain for five minutes.

(Like today.)

Shopping Days for Orphans

It has been crazy busy here, but what else is new under the sun?

As I was counting the other day, I realized our group has gone from coordinating 12 to 22 children in foster care in the past 1+ year.

It kind of snuck up on us:  a phone call here, a visit there, two kids out here, another there.

Somehow somebody stepped up to the plate to foster just in time, every time.

There are challenges with such a dramatic increase in the size of our community, but also joys.

Two weeks ago (Easter weekend) we held the 2nd annual Foster Shopping Days.

For several weeks we collected gently used donations for anything related to children, and the foster parents could come and “shop” for their families on Friday and Saturday at our administrative offices.

The amount of goodies collected was overwhelming!
The International Club here in town, many other foreigners as well as Chinese friends came through and tons of clothes, developmental toys and books, diapers and formula, strollers and other needed items were swiftly connected with their new owners.

We had a great team of volunteers who helped with bringing things to the office–not so easy with urban parking, hauling everything from the sidewalk to the elevator up to the 13th floor–and making it all fit into two rooms!

Here are some pictures of the pre-event setup as well as when people came.

Nearly every family left with several suitcase-sized bags filled with items for their kids and others in the house.

Of course, volunteers also were on hand to help bring the bags down and stuff everyone into taxis since none in our group own cars.

It was great to see such an outpouring of love and support for these people who give so much energy and love as they invite an orphan into their heart.

Ready for Business!!